will smith crying at the Oscar’s and saying that he didn’t know why he was crying the way that he was crying but it was clear to me that he was crying because of all of the everything rising up inside of his physical body and no one was really there to help him through the emotional and spiritual tsunami that was calling his name into his own self— that was like watching a miracle unfurl itself in the midst of rush hour traffic on the 405– it’s a thick thing this being alive, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, prayer beads, 100% cotton, love, lust, cruelty, dancing in the streets, not really knowing what love is or believing in it, love, heat, power in the hands and power in the throat, wanting to do better, glass jars, cloth, twine, cowrie shells, shoes, vintage spinning toys, wood, plaster, cowrie shells, how it feels to not ever have anyone really ask you how you feel in a way that you know is an open door to feeling and being seen and being felt, and how sorrow is fertile ground, how i have seen black men make cruelty out of the ruthless pain of their broken hearts, a broken heart, a broken heart healing, and more love, ________,_________,__________,___________,__________, yes.